There is a major issue that needs to be showcased as part of the human experience. My experience. Maybe your experience. And it’s not just all about us either, it is the experience of people near us that we truly care about and are just as affected if not affected more than we are. I messed up, failed, hid, and nearly lost it all… but it affects and burdens more than just me.
If nothing more, this is my “get your ass outta bed, bro” message to myself, but I wanted to share it with you because if I’m here, I know you might be, too.
My life is pretty near perfect. I won the lottery with my wife, just like Randall from This is Us. I have kids that could be magazine models and are the perfect mixture of smart, wild and healthy. Sometimes, you can have a picture perfect life, but you can be full of anxiety. You can be more blessed than you EVER deserved and you can be numb to it all and miss it. I believe that, even though we had everything we could have wanted or were on the way toward it, that I blew so many chances to take a God-given, wonderful thing all the way and somehow, someway I would screw it up
I suppose if I’d been fully aware of it, I’d have signaled for help when things got too much to handle, however, I retreated from so many things that deserved so much better from me.
But then depression set in…
I lost the will to even want better, but I lied to myself and those closest to me about what was going on deep down inside. I didn’t feel like I could be vulnerable or admit that I wasn’t ok. But with the help of God, my wife, our church, our family, friends, doctors, my therapist, and even other business owners, I’ve gone from suffering over the past 2 years or more from unknown and undiagnosed severe depression toward a path of healing. One I have to choose every day in order to not see the same path of destruction start all over again.
We’ve experienced a lot of the same things that you have all experienced, no doubt in any stage of life. People letting us down, losses, struggling to make ends meet, self-doubt, and more, but multiply that with dozens of people you genuinely care about and don’t know how to communicate how lost and consumed with failure that you are and it all just became too much to handle. I cracked.
I’ve nearly lost so many things that are important to me… my heart, my friendships, this business, even my life almost… all because I was fighting this battle I didn’t know I was in and it won every time and I just couldn’t figure it out.
Until I did… and was willing to admit that it’s ok not to be ok.
And then God…
My faith had nearly vanished. I am so grateful for my wife. Her’s just got stronger. She encouraged me so many times a day, prayed with and for me, thought better of me and wished better for me than I ever felt for myself. She knew something was wrong and asked and asked… and asked. At times I did not know what to say, other times I hid in shame. She knew me better than I knew myself and she also knew that God is not finished with me yet. His voice was perfectly harmonious with my wife’s telling me that He had a better way, a new plan where everything was going to be alright and “everything is awesome”.
My wife has been crushed by the weight of responsibilities and struggling to juggle our life and our business and helping me. She is love personified and I know she would have loved to have carried the business (and she did for quite a while), but with all the other responsibilities, she chose to put her family first. She has been a God-sent support (even working a second job), a pillar and safety net for our family during this whole time.
I hope that I can show you all that the heart of Best in Wichita is that we can make a difference and help local businesses, and help the community get a good deal to try them out. Most importantly, I want to work to be the man God is calling and has called me to be.
We’d really love to stay a business with the vision and heart we have had for this amazing city.
If I can be vulnerable and work to rebuild our business and the trust of our community, then that’s what I’d like to do…. I’m an open book.
This next month (May), we are going to be highlighting mental health and our particular thoughts on healing relationships, yourself, your business and your finances.
I’m so thankful to God for saving me and my family in our time of need. Thank you so much, too. Though I’m still in the mode of recovery, victory is God’s and we’re getting “back up on the horse” to try this again because we really do want to see people find the BEST Wichita has to offer.
Your friends, Adam and Jilliann